Largest Captive Crocodile Dies

A crocodile in the Philippines who was  officially the worlds largest captive croc and local celebrity has died, it has been reported. The massive one ton crocodile was the world’s largest saltwater crocodile and had become somewhat of a local celebrity, including getting a place in the Guinness book of world records.
There will be funeral rites held for the croc and then its body will be preserved and displayed in a local museum. The croc had brought a number of tourists to the obscure Philippine town Bunawan, and locals hope people will still come to see it when it is displayed in the museum.
The crocodile named Lolong, after a government environmental officer, was found on Sunday in a pond, flipped over with a bloated stomach. Wildlife experts started an autopsy on the creature on Monday, trying to determine cause of death.
Lolong measured 6.17 meters (20.24 feet) and was thought to be cause of a number of deaths of local villagers, until he was caught. It was estimated that he was around 50 years old. His name sake died from a heart attack after traveling to Bunawan to capture him. Since his capture Lolong captured the hearts of many locals and he also came to symbolize the rich bio-diversity of Agusan marsh where he was captured.
After his autopsy Lolong will have a tribal ritual performed which entails butchering chicken and pigs as funeral offerings to thank forest spirits for the fame and other blessings the crocodile has brought at the eco-tourism park where he became the star attraction.
Speaking about the said death of their beloved croc, Mayor Edwin Cox Elorde said: “The whole town, in fact the whole province, is mourning. My phones kept ringing because people wanted to say how affected they are.”
Officals were planning on constructing a road to the park where Lolong resided, to help cope with the growing number of tourists who were flocking to the eco-park. However Lolong will be displayed in a museum to help keep tourists coming to the area, Elorde stated.
He said: “I’d like them to see the crocodile that broke a world record and put our town on the map.”

News Is that Blackberry killing your sex life?

While many couples blame the advent of smart phones, tablets, Twitter, Facebook and the like for their failing love lives it seems that the tool often blamed is redeeming itself by becoming part of the solution too.
A new piece of research by the online pharmacy www.ukmedix.com has revealed that as a nation we could be turning to apps to help put the spice back into the bedroom. The researchers had noticed a spike in the number of sex advice apps downloaded in the first weeks of the year and so commissioned the research to ask a whole load of traditionally reserved Brits what was getting it up for them.
Over 1600 men and women took part in the survey and of them 42% said that they used the internet not only to choose their mother’s birthday present, but also what they might get up to with their partner once the bedroom door was shut.
So it’s not just young lads looking at stuff they might not even understand yet, adults are getting in on the net’s sex education offerings and bringing to life their pillow talk. People were using their downloaded apps for inspiration on positions (41%), techniques(35%) and bedroom games(33%).
Maybe the smart phone in the bedroom isn’t such a bad thing after all. Just be careful what you forward when you’re browsing the sex apps, pleasuring your lover and replying to your boss’s late night emails simultaneously.

Man’s Drunken Night Ends with a 10ft Snake in the Bed!

People can be forgiven, waking up the morning after the night before with someone in bed next to them, they normally wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole if it weren’t for beer goggles, However on man woke up with something rather more slippery than a dodgy shag, a 10ft Python! To make matters worse when he awoke the snake was making eyes to eat his mate, who was asleep on the sofa.
During a very drunken night out, Dwayne Matthews, decided in his infinite wisdom to buy an African rock python – called Bruce off a traveller, as you do. Unfortunately the next morning the python was looking for its next meal, which happened to be Matthews’s mate who was sound asleep. Luckily Matthews managed to throw a duvet over the python to subdue it.
Now that’s one snake most people wouldn’t want to wake up to.
African Rock snakes are the third largest in the world and they suffocate their victims in their coils before they swallow them hole, nice. Normally they go after large animals such as crocodiles or antelope; however a sleeping human would be considered an easy meal for one.
When Matthews subdued the snake, instead of calling the relevant authorities, he tried to sell the snake to a reptile shop. Unfortunately for Matthews, the reptile shop owner had been made aware of a local theft of snakes from a house so informed the police. After nearly seeing his mate swallowed by a snake, Dwayne was handed a suspended eight-week prison sentence after he had admitted handling stolen goods.
Speaking about the somewhat foolish events Dwayne’s Solicitor Richard Baker said:
“In his wisdom, and no doubt egged on by his inebriated friends, he decided it would be a good idea to buy it and sell it. The next morning he realised it hadn’t been such a good idea. He got up to find one of his friends asleep on the sofa and this snake rearing up at him in an S-shape, its jaws open like a cobra. Instead of running out of the house, as some would have done, and leaving his friend to his fate, he apprehended this snake. He ran upstairs, got a quilt and threw it over the snake to subdue it and put it in a tank. It was like a sub-plot from a Guy Ritchie film. He didn’t decide to get rid of it by dumping it in a bin, he was doing the best he could to remedy the situation.”
Swayne had to pay £85 costs and an £80 victim surcharge. The Magistrate described the incident: “This was a bit of a foolhardy enterprise.”

Soldier hacked to death with Machetes by two Maniacs in London

A man presumed to be a soldier has been hacked to death in the middle of a London street by two men armed with knives. The two men were shot by police whilst brandishing the weapons and a revolver.
Police were called to an incident this afternoon after reports of an assault in Woolwich, South London, where a young man, wearing a Help for Hero’s t-shirt was being attacked. According to MP Nick Raynsford the victim a young man was believed to be a serving soldier.
The government’s emergency response committee has been summoned by Home Secretary Theresa May to assess the incident as it is investigated whether this was a terrorist attack. Witnesses stated that they heard cries of ‘God is Great or Allahu Akbar’.
Witnesses stated: “These two guys were crazed. They were just animals. They dragged him from the pavement and dumped his body in the middle of the road and left his body there. They were oblivious to anything, they were more worried about having their photo taken, running up and down the road.”
Another witness to the horrific attack said: “Basically two men carried out an axe attack on a young army cadet walking along the street, by the looks of things the police responded and then shot them in front of the public, at the same time I couldn’t really tell if the cadet was fatally or not hurt as police were crowded around him.”

Bolivian Rapist and Murderer Buried Alive with Victim

Bolivian villagers where were attending the funeral of 35-year-old Leandra Arias Janco, who was raped and murdered, took the law into their own hands when they took the suspect thought to have committed the crime, tied him up and threw him in the victims grave with her body.
The villagers had suspected that 17-year-old Santos Ramos was responsible for Janco’s rape and murder. To stop police reaching the funeral, residents blocked the road to the community. Santos Ramos had been named by police as a suspect in the rape and murder charge, on Thursday, Prosecutor Jose Luis Barrios stated that the police had identified 17-year-old Santos Ramos was possibly the perpetrator of the vicious attack and murder of 35-year-old Leandra Arias Janco. According to information from an anonymous source, Santos was tied up and when his victim was buried mourners threw him in too.
In many communities in Bolivia communities take on delivering justice themselves, due to wide spread corruption in the police force. As well as the live burial, a suspected theif was stoned to death and his accomplice was burned to death. According to reports the men, had stolen a car and killed its driver. A police officer was also lynched by an angry mob earlier this year, because they confused him with a thief.